To Play Us Out

My grandpa now has a Facebook account.  He is seventy years old.  Just two weeks ago, he finally upgraded from dial-up to broadband, and apparently that makes him internet savvy enough to join Facebook.  He has three friends so far — one of them is a waitress at his favorite restaurant, one is my aunt, and the other one looks like a corpse. Why do these old people think it’s OK to intrude on our territory?  I mean, this is a former Marine who once had his leg run over by a motherfucking tank — and now he’s softened enough over the past fifty years that he thinks it’s okay to get a Facebook profile?  And trust me, he’s not one of these new-age grandpas that actually is in touch with what’s going on in the world.  For example, our last phone conversation entailed me giving him a fifteen minute dissertation on how to use Youtube, and then his explaining to me, in detail, his favorite episode of The Andy Griffith Show.  If he ever figures out how to friend me (and let’s be honest — that’s highly doubtful), I don’t know what I’m going to do.

To soothe my anger, I will now provide you with some links:

• Speaking of Facebook, our friends at Holy Taco show us what every 24-35 year old’s account really says.
• As you might expect, I think Conan’s done a great job so far.  But is part of his set inspired by Super Mario?
• If any of  you live in the Chicago area, have three hundred dollars to spare, and want to hang out with a douchebag, here’s your guy.
• Manofest brings us the ten biggest celebrity man pussies.
• America’s #1 prick Mitt Romney is having an essay contest, with the winner getting tickets to Fenway Park.  But of course there’s a catch.  Actually a couple of catches.
• Is it sad that this entertained me for at least half an hour?
• Finally, I would wager that most rappers think they’re pretty hard and badass.  Actually, some of their lyrics are quite gay.